Enlightenment for Nitwits

Now you can achieve enlightenment without doing absolutely any work on yourself whatsoever!

"Heck of a job, Hoodie! Of course, I didn't need this book, because I was already enlightened, but I'm sure it will help a lot of other people. Keep up the good work!"
--George W. Bush, former owner, Texas Rangers

"That filthy homosexual Zionist infidel swine Shepherd Hoodwin caused me to laugh so hard it almost made me want forsake being a servant of Allah and become a stand-up comedian. May Allah punish him by greeting him with seventy-two virgins in Heaven when he dies--it would serve him right."
--Osama bin Laden, Leading Terrorist

"Wickedly funny."
--Satan, CEO, Satan, Inc.

"Bigger than the iPhone and iPod combined….A landmark in human ingenuity."
--Steve Jobs, CEO, Apple, Inc.

"Funniest book in the last two billion years!…Frankly, I enjoyed it more than the Bible."
--God, Creator of the Universe

August 20, 2007

Dear friends,

I'm thrilled to be offering my new book as a PDF ebook. Soon I will be recording an audiobook version, which should be a lot of fun, and eventually I will offer a print version. (If you know someone at a publisher, I'd appreciate a good word.) This excerpt includes the Table of Contents, five chapters, and one selection from my mock book catalog, "Upcoming Titles from Summerflu Press."

As early adopters, your constructive criticism and blurbs can help me shape and publicize the print version, so I welcome any rave reviews, as well as those that are merely glowing. We here at Summerjoy Press (me and the 40 house plants) really want your honest opinion. We will read every email, even if it's only to say how it gave you the strength to soar to unimagined heights and do the impossible.

Seriously, if you feel that some passages are weaker or less funny, see any typos, or just think that it has too much sex and violence, please let me know. I'm grateful for any editorial suggestions.

EBooks are electronic documents that can be immediately downloaded and read on your computer. Many people are hesitant to read a book electronically, although as portable screens improve, this will no doubt become more common (and think of the trees you're saving!) At a desktop, it can be tedious, but if you have a laptop or another portable device, it can be quite nice. For one thing, you can make the type bigger. And this book is not that long, so even at a desktop, it shouldn't hurt your butt too much. All you need is a PDF reader, such as the free program Adobe Reader, which is probably already on your computer; if not, you can easily download it:

http://www.adobe.com/products/acrobat/readstep2_allversions.html

To reward intrepid digital explorers, I'm offering the full version for $9.95, $5 off the regular price. I'm not set-up for automatic downloads, so when I receive your payment, I will email it to you.

ORDER EBOOK NOW

You can also PayPal the funds directly to this address if you are not using a credit card:

sgh (at) summerjoy (dot) com. [Please replace (at) with @, etc.]

Feel free to spread the word.

All the best,
Shepherd Hoodwin

FROM THE PREFACE:

Enlightenment is the next big thing. It’s not enough anymore to have an iPhone. You won't get into the hottest new clubs unless you can transcend space and time. However, before this groundbreaking Guide was published, achieving enlightenment was an arduous task--it took years of meditation and study. But working on yourself is the old-fashioned way of getting ahead spiritually, an outmoded paradigm*. This book will show you how to start at the top, without any of that messy self-examination!

* A paradigm is two dimes, or twenty cents.